More Sleep Means More Focused, Emotionally Stable Kids

 

 

How important is sleep for children? Getting too little could leave them more emotional and impulsive. This is a great reason to make sure your children are in bed at a reasonable hour every night, especially school nights... it sets the right precedence and will contribute to their overall mental health at an early age.

As a nation, we don’t get enough sleep. And we’re passing along our night-owl habits to members of the next generation, which could leave them with less control over their emotions and more prone to impulsivity, according to the latest study.

Lead author Reut Gruber, a psychologist at McGill University, and her colleagues describe in the journal Pediatrics a study in which they either added or deprived healthy children ages 7 to 11 of one hour of sleep a night over five nights. Their goal, says Gruber, was to see if such modest changes in the amount of sleep children get could affect their behavior. The children’s teachers were asked to fill out a 10-item standard questionnaire to assess the children’s attention, impulsivity, irritability and emotional reactivity at the end of the study period.

Compared with their same ratings during an initial five days of unmanipulated sleep — in which the researchers asked parents to allow the children to sleep as they normally would to establish a baseline — those who were deprived of an hour’s sleep had worse scores on behavior measures than those who were allowed to sleep an hour more. (The parents were asked to change their children’s bed times, and while they were able to put the kids to bed an hour earlier when needed, the youngsters ended up sleeping only about 30 minutes more.) In terms of how emotionally reactive, or sensitive, and how attentive the children were, teachers rated the sleep-restricted students on average 4 points higher than their baseline, meaning they showed more irritability, frustration and had more problems paying attention. In contrast, the children who slept more showed an average 3-point drop in these problems.

“Nobody became a genius, and nobody became crazy,” says Gruber, “but the findings show that in children small changes can make a big difference, and that is why this is meaningful.”

The scientists intentionally conducted their study outside of the lab, in the real-life setting of the children’s homes and schools, because they wanted to assess how everyday changes — which could involve losing an hour or gaining an hour of sleep — might impact children’s behavior in the classroom. One more movie or one less game played before bed can translate into potentially significant changes in the way children focus and interact with their teachers and classmates, says Gruber.

If being deprived of sleep leads to a drop in attention in class, children may miss out on learning and on opportunities to be creative. And if they are easily irritated and frustrated because their bodies and brains are tired, they may not learn as much either.

In previous research, Gruber and her colleagues looked at children who were at various stages on the attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder spectrum and performed a similar study in which she asked parents to put the children to bed about an hour later than they normally would. The children completed computerized tests of attention both before and after the sleep intervention. Afterward, two-thirds of those who were teetering on the threshold of clinical disease were pushed into a definitive diagnosis, triggered by the sleep deprivation.

“Between these two studies, to me this connection feels like a real finding,” says Gruber. “Of course, we want to replicate the results and do more analysis.”

In the meantime, it’s clear that even modest changes in sleep — one less movie or video game — can affect the way children react to their world, and that in turn can affect their ability to learn and form relationships with others. Sleep, it seems, is just as important as diet and exercise in keeping children’s bodies and minds healthy. “We could have really significant positive and negative impacts on children depending on how we choose to prioritize sleep,” says Gruber. Got sleep, anyone?

Is Grandma Spending Too Much on the Grandkids?

You can't tell this grandmother that I'm spending too much on my little munchkins!!! I love spoiling my grandchildren and that's what we're here to do!!! :) 

While many Americans are still in belt-tightening mode, there’s one group that continues to open their purse strings: grandparents.

According to a recent AARP study, 89% of grandparents acknowledge that they spoil their grandchildren. And nearly all — a whopping 96% of grandparents age 55 or older — say they’ve spent at least some money on their grandkids, for varying reasons and amounts. Next to watching TV or movies together at home, shopping is the most popular activity for both grandma and grandpa when it comes to spending time with their grandchildren.

What grandchild would complain about that? I still remember fondly the gifts my own grandparents showered on me growing up. Even when I was older and in college (and also broke), my grandma would tuck $20 bills in her letters, just so I’d have “a little breathing room.” I loved spending time with my grandmother, regardless of the cash or material gifts, but I was certainly grateful for the money — and I know she liked helping out.

As the recent survey confirms, grandparents want to help and they usually find tremendous satisfaction in giving money and gifts to their family members. In some cases, their spending isn’t exactly discretionary. Many grandparents are contributing cash for necessities: more than one-third report helping out with basic day-to-day expenses, and 23% are spending money on medical and dental insurance for their grandchildren. But many others are choosing to spoil and splurge on their grandchildren just because they like to. Either way, this kind of spending may come at the detriment of their own financial health.

The current economy makes it harder for grandparents — many of whom are retirees — than when I was growing up, and the dollars left in their retirement accounts may be a bit more precious. But even though unexpected expenses like rising health care costs may already be straining grandparents’ budgets, more than half of those surveyed in the AARP study said that the economy has not affected how much they lavish on grandkids. The ones who did indicate that they were reining in their overall budget admitted they’ve cut back in other areas in order to maintain their spending on grandchildren.

Whether grandma and grandpa are helping because they love to or because they feel they have to, it can jeopardize their financial health. So, what should families do to make sure everyone’s needs are met?

As always, the first thing to do is have an open and honest discussion communicating your care and concern. Grandparents’ desire to help is laudable, but they may not always be making the connection between their occasional (or frequent) spending on their family members and their dwindling retirement savings. If you have a retired parent who is spending too much on your children, be careful not to ruin their enjoyment — but do let them know that you respect their need to meet their financial responsibilities and their retirement goals as well.

Here are some other issues to keep in mind as you approach them with your concerns:

• Let them know how much you appreciate the gifts — or the necessary assistance — but gently inquire if this is built into their budget. You can politely mention that the overall spending seems excessive and express your concern for their financial well-being.
• If you can do without the financial assistance, suggest they simply cut back on the amount or frequency of spending. Assure them that your children will be equally happy with smaller gifts or more modest shopping excursions.
• Reinforce that your children love spending time with their grandparents as much as they like spending money (a fact you can remind your children of as well). Sometimes grandparents (and parents) forget that it’s the thought that counts, and get caught up in expectations that can be corrected. You may even discuss the type of financial values you’re hoping to instill in your children and request that grandparents help by finding alternatives to spending money or giving gifts.
• If you do need the financial help, have a clear understanding of what you may need and for how long, so your parents can adjust their finances accordingly.

Realistically, grandparents will be grandparents — it’s all part of being grand! They’ll keep on spending because, as the data shows, they like it. But as their child, it’s also O.K. for you to tell your parents that you care about their financial health as well as the happiness that splurging on their grandkids brings.

‘Slow Parenting’: Why a Mom Is ‘Fed Up with Frenzy’

For parents, familiar is the feeling of exhaustion that accompanies a day filled with work (for you) and school and play (for your kids). There are meals to be made, teeth to be brushed, backpacks to be assembled, permission slips to be signed, car-pool arrangements to be finalized — and that’s all often before 8 a.m.

No wonder that a considerable amount of ink has been spilled parsing why we have kids when they’re so much work and, in the words of a 2010 New York magazine headline, “All Joy and No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parenting.”

Susan Sachs Lipman remembers having the same sort of not-so-joyous experience when her daughter, Anna, now 16, transitioned from preschool to elementary school. “Suddenly our lives felt hectic and less enjoyable than I thought it should be,” says Lipman, who serves as social-media director for the Children & Nature Network, a nonprofit organization devoted to getting kids’ hands dirty.

Dropping Anna off at school was the last straw, Lipman says. There were signs that said, “Drop, Don’t Stop,” and other parents sometimes honked when lines got too long. “Something about the drop-off curb served as an epiphany,” says Lipman. She decided to park her car and walk her daughter to school. “I thought if I can slow one part of our day and have a calm transition, maybe it will help us calm other parts of our lives.”

Lipman continues to muse about channeling tranquillity in her new book released earlier this month, Fed Up with Frenzy: Slow Parenting in a Fast-Moving World. You’ve heard of the Slow Food movement that advocates long, leisurely meals meant to be savored and enjoyed. Slow parenting is just like that, simply substituting children for entrées. Lipman writes:

I yearned for a life filled with creativity and play; true connection with my family, my community, and myself; and enjoyment of small observations and moments that come from slowing down enough to notice them. I wasn’t experiencing those types of connections and moments because I was too busy planning, scheduling, and driving. I was too busy with the future to notice the present, too busy with the calendar and the to-do list to stop and chat in the market or between activities. And, frankly, others seemed quite busy, too. I began to wonder just what the rush was, and whether slowing down might help me and my family become more connected and calm.

Lipman gives parents dozens of ideas for slowing down their family life in chapters entitled “Slow Kitchen” (she suggests making homemade butter with kids, using heavy cream and a glass jar) and “Slow Games” (no iPhones here; think hand-clapping to “Say, Say, Oh, Playmate”). Here, she talks more about saying farewell to frenzy.

Do you have any advice on how to bow out of the rat race?

A lot of us have a lot of anxiety about our children’s futures. Will they get into a good college? Where will this activity they’re doing now lead? If you can just be present, that offers us greater joy and family connection.

Is this situation we find ourselves in today any different from how it’s always been?

Children have half the free time they did 30 years ago, so kids are busier. Half of Americans bring work home regularly, and working mothers spend 40% of their time multitasking. Things have changed, certainly since my childhood. A lot is because of technology. Technology is great. But there is something valuable about tearing away from technology, and I want to promote that. Checking out of some of the things we do — giving kids all those enriching activities, not checking e-mail all the time — has given my family a sense of freedom.

It can be hard to not get caught up in extracurriculars.

There is a lot of anxiety parents have around giving their child opportunities early. We don’t honor play and free time and family togetherness enough. Now we are hearing you don’t have to do all the enrichment activities at once, and not doing them will actually give your child a successful start; not doing them will give you the connection and joy you feel is lacking.

What you’re advocating is pretty revolutionary. Are we doing our kids a disservice by signing them up for so many activities?

In our very well-meaning attempts to give our kids the best and help them get ahead, we might not be doing what’s best for them. What’s best may be a slower pace, doing things at the developmentally appropriate time. We do a lot of things early now because we think we’re giving kids a head start, but especially in early childhood they need a lot of free time and free play and time to discover who they are and what they like to do.

My daughter did peewee soccer when she was 3 or 4. At 5 or 6, soccer required a few practices a week and there was some travel. I thought it seemed a little serious for that age child. She didn’t like soccer that much so we didn’t pursue it. On Saturday morning when the other kids were playing soccer, it left time to take hikes and play tag in the park and make clay beads in the kitchen — fun, low-key family stuff.

When she entered high school, she became a serious athlete and is now on three teams — water polo, lacrosse and the mountain-bike team. She was able to get involved in sports at a later age when it seemed more appropriate because it was of her choosing. And as a bonus, we got all that time when she was younger to really bond as a family.

Once one decides to slow down, then what? How do you fill your time? Or not?

We’re anxious and want to make the most of our time. You have to embrace downtime. It’s actually embracing another mind-set, that downtime is O.K. and even valuable. Also there’s something to doing wonderful activities that are simple and don’t require equipment, like how to show an outdoor movie. Every summer we set up an outdoor movie in our driveway, have the neighbors over and make some popcorn. It’s a little old-fashioned and takes us away from the everyday. Just string a sheet between two trees and show a movie. Or make boats from newspapers, an idea from Curious George Rides a Bike. Or play classic playground games like Kick the Can or Capture the Flag and Red Rover. A lot of kids don’t know how to play these anymore.

What is slow parenting in reality?

Sometimes people hear the word slow and they hear about all these activities, and they say, Hey, you’re not being slow. We’re not being slothlike, but it’s doing things at a pace that’s correct for you. Sometimes it’s about saying we need to be at a slow pace this weekend and part of that is saying no to obligations or birthday parties or volunteering. We want to do everything, but sometimes the price is too high for our family.

Isn’t a lot of what you espouse passé in a world where toddlers tap on tablets?

A lot of people have the desire to return to that world. I do social media for a living. I know when I do a lot of screen activity, I crave being outside in the natural world. People yearn to go back to simple, tactile, old-school activities. We started making jam when Anna was 3.

Jam seems like a good place to start. I’ve made it once before, but years have passed because we’ve been, well, busy. But over the weekend, my two older kids and I braved the tangles of thorny blackberry bushes that grow wild not far from our house. I have sugar, lemon and pectin, and I promised them we would try our hand at making our own jam. I can’t wait to see what slow parenting tastes like.